Part 3: Thursday

The 3rd installment of my week in Conn.  I'll try and keep it short, but can't promise anything :-)

***

I had my alarm set for 4 am.  I needed to be at the airport by 5/5:30 for my 6:30 flight.

I woke up in a black panic around 3:45am.  Everything was hitting me and I don't remember my dreams exactly, but I know that they were stress filled.  I can usually take just about anything in stride, but trying to take in everything that happened the day before while trying to solve every issue that would come up while relocating the kids and starting a new job.  

Attempting to mentally digest of this on at 3:45 am did nothing but cause me to freeze. 

I decided to use the 15 minutes before I had to get up to lay in bed and self-talk myself out of the panic.  I haven't had to deal with it in years and I didn't like the feeling.  

After what seemed like a veerry long 15 minutes, I decided to just get up and face the day.  Laying in bed was not doing me any good so I might as well get up. 

I unplugged my phone and the backlight lit up the clock...4:30am.  No wonder the 15 minutes seemed so long...it was really 45 minutes. And my alarm that was set, and triple checked, didn't go off.  Realizing that I should be pulling out of the drive now did very little for my anxiety.  

I threw on the clothes I had laid out, threw up my hair, brushed my teeth, shoved the rest of my clothes in my bag and ran out the door.  

I didn't have time to stop for coffee (oh, the horror) and raced down 84 towards the connecting interstates to the airport.  

I needed to return my rental car and I wasn't exactly sure where I was going.  I like to plan things...read maps and have a general idea of where I am going.  So not knowing exactly where I was to go and how long it would take me added to my stress.  I kept telling myself that I would be fine...I probably wouldn't die if I missed my flight so why freak out?  

I pulled in to the airport, finally seeing a car rental return sign at the very last moment.  I pulled in and thankfully it was as easy as handing my keys over to the attendant while she scanned the barcode on the window.  There was a shuttle waiting and he grabbed my luggage and off we went.  

I finally started to relax at this point.  

I had been told that the security at Bradley opens at 5am so by 5:30 the lines should still be rather short. 

Well... maybe they are short on a typical day, but not when Julie is in a hurry. 

I seriously think the entire state of Conn and parts of Mass were flying out of state.

Thankfully, the line moved quickly and I made it through security without any problems.  

I threw my boots back on and raced to my gate.  Once I was there I realized I had 20 minutes to spare and I needed coffee...now.  There was a Dunkin Donuts close to the gate and I jumped in line.  Again, a very, very long line.  Which is fine...there were a lot of people at the airport that morning.  What wasn't fine was the girl working behind the counter messing around on her phone that had me irritated :-)  

There was a middle-aged man standing in line in front of me and he asked me where I was going, etc.  I think he could tell I was ready to jump out of my skin.  My adrenaline was kicking in and when that happens, I move constantly.  If I don't, my heart will explode. 

We spent our time in line, 10 minutes or so, chatting.  He was from the area flying to somewhere warm for a golf outing and I told him about my week and how I was really excited, but nervous to go home and tell my kids.  My kids are a little nervous/slightly against moving.  And I knew that the news wouldn't be welcomed with open arms.  He asked their ages and I told him.  He said "oh, they'll be fine...I moved twice when I was a kid..when I was older than they are."  

Sometimes I think God sends people in mysterious places to calm our fears.  New Englanders don't exactly have the reputation of being overly warm and friendly (which I love...I'm not warm and fuzzy either :-)  but here was this obviously wealthy New Englander striking up a conversation with me saying exactly what I need to hear. 

I grabbed my coffee, not thinking to grab a bagel, and ran to the gate.  They were just boarding and my group was last.  I waited a few minutes before getting on.  I checked and double checked to make sure I had my boarding pass and the boarding pass for the next flight out of Charlotte.  

I got on the plane and settled in.  They had needed to check my luggage because the flight was full, which was great.  I didn't need to worry about lugging it around in Charlotte.  I sat down and shoved my bag under the seat.  Once we took off, I grabbed my bag to get a book and realized my boarding pass was missing.  

Times like this, I wish I didn't have an imagination.  I immediately figured a terrorist pick pocketed me and was going to board the plane in my name.  I told myself to chill out, that was ridiculous...then went on to thinking that they wouldn't let me on the next plane and I would be stranded in Charlotte forever.  *Sigh*  I wish I didn't over exaggerate.  I drive myself crazy.  

After completely digging through my bag and not coming up with anything, I decided to just read my book and figure it out later.  There was nothing I could do so why stress?  A few minutes later the sound system comes on: "Is there a Julie Bauman on this flight?  If so, please press the steward call button."  

They found my pass on the floor...so all was good.  No terrorist and no being stranded in NC.  

I made it to Charlotte with a 20 minute layover, not enough time to grab more coffee and some food, before I headed on to Cleveland to where we heard it was snowing.  Ugh.  

My sister picked me up at the airport and we had a treacherous drive home.  I walked in the door and went straight to bed.  

I was exhausted. And famished. The ice cream I ate the night before wasn't keeping me full :-) 

The kids came home from school and we had a great time.  I had missed them terribly and it was great to be with them again.  

I didn't tell them anything.  I just didn't want to have them worry about things that didn't need to be worried about.  I didn't have (and still don't) a start date or even a guarantee that this job would go through.  All I had was a very good suspicion that things could be changing drastically for us in the next month or so.  

About 5pm I was still too tired to even think.  I told the kids I needed a few minutes and crawled in bed.  I'm not sure if I was more tired from lack of sleep or just the thoughts rolling in my head.  

I must have dozed off because when the phone rang at 5:30 it startled me awake.  

Caller ID said: Madelyne. 

I froze.  Then answered. 

She was calling to tell me a few things.  First that they typically interview a selection of candidates.  But with the history of my relationship with them, that everyone on the team agreed they wanted me, and that they need someone soon, they were going to request HR to see if they could skip interviewing anyone else.  

**EEKKK** How exciting...but I still wanted to say: "I'm not that special...I'm simply me!!" 

We talked salary, relocation reimbursements, etc.  I told her I needed to crunch some numbers and would get back with her ASAP. 

I called Madelyne right back.  I told her what my needs/requirements were and she said she would present them to the team.  We also discussed start dates and she said they were all aware I had three children and are not expecting me to be able to start in 2 weeks, but would give me time if needed.  She would get back with me next week to let me know what was next.  

***

That was last Thursday.  

I'm still waiting to hear.  

She told me that Monday could be a lost day depending on the snowstorm and then needed to meet with the entire team and go between them and HR.  It could take a few days. 

I know I'm being horribly impatient.  

But I'm ready to hear what is next. 

I was doing okay on Monday.  I did good on Tuesday.  

But today?  I'm done with waiting.  

I'm ready to hear.  

Even if the news is bad.  I'm just ready to hear. 

***

I did tell my kids.  I told them that I'm in the waiting process.  I told them that there is a good chance we will be moved before the end of the school year. 

They reacted...just not like I thought.  

Riley painted his and Reagan's face red and black (Rittman colors) and ran around shouting "GO INDIANS" all evening. 

I just ignored him.   And tried not to laugh.  

They are starting to settle in to the idea.  I know they will be fine.  I know this is what is best for them.  I know in the end they will thank me for it.  

But they are kids. They are scared of the unknown.  I'M scared of the unknown.  

Rhianna told me that night "Mom..I know it will be better for us, but I don't even know where the bathroom is at the new school!!!"  I think it gave her new perspective when I said "I don't know where the bathroom is at my new job!  But I think they'll show us on the first day"  :-) 

***

As of right now, I'm waiting.  Trying to be patient.

I was only verbally offered this job.  There isn't a written contract.  Anything could still happen.  I could still lose out on this position.  In the meantime I'm trying not to think about how this will all work out.  I know that God's hand is in it and that things will be great.  

And trying to plan for the unknown is useless. 

*** 

To be cont'....