Monday, July 28, 2014

Extension of Me.

Mom/Grandma came to visit last week, and took all three kids home with her on Saturday.

I'm enjoying the break, working extra long hours at work trying to beat deadlines, and spending some time for myself.

But I miss them.

Yea, they drive me crazy...but I miss them.

Today at work they asked me how I was enjoying the time alone...

My response?

I said I was trying to enjoy it...but I missed them so much.

What they replied made me realize how much my children are intertwined in me.

How much they are a part of me. 

They said "Of course you miss them...they are your whole life"

I don't know why I didn't realize it before...

I didn't realize how much my co-workers picked up on this. 

But they are.

They make up the better part of me.

I  do miss them like crazy,

but am taking this time for me.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Average Day

I have meant to keep up on this blog better than I have. 

I wanted to use it as a journal to someday come back and revisit this place in my heart.  But, through the busy-ness of life, it didn't happen. 

I won't be able to capture the feelings, the emotions that I felt while settling in.  And honestly, maybe I was hiding from reality.  I didn't want to open up and be honest about how hard it was to experience so much change.  I had wanted this for so long, I didn't want to admit that it was hard.

But it was hard.  And it still is hard.  I know that it is right, and I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be.  But it is still hard. 

I have a feeling that normalcy will solve some of this.  Once school begins and we are all in a routine of sorts, the rhythm of life will soon take over and we will feel more settled.

When I talk with friends and family back home, they often ask what fills our days.

I usually leave the house around 7 or 7:30 to catch the bus for work.  A few days a week, I will get on the early bus and am at my desk at 6:45 am.  People who know me laugh when they hear this.  I'm such a night owl...the only time I was ever at my desk at 6:45 am was when I worked night shift. 

Some mornings I will drop the kids off some where and other mornings, someone will pick them up between 8-8:30. 

The past few weeks the kids have had summer camps to attend.  It has added a bit of stress of finding drivers and babysitters, etc.  but it has helped them feel at home and settled in.

Riley is struggling a bit.  It comes and goes and most days it appears like he is doing well.  But I know deep down, he really misses his friends in Rittman.  He was settled, established there and it has been hard for him to uproot.  Thankfully we are close and he is able to stay open with me as we talk things out. 
When we started the remodeling on the house we will be moving in to, he was able to help with some of the demolition work.  It was great to see him working with the men, being treated like one of them.  He coudn't talk about anything else for the next week. 
He has meet quite a few boys his age, and I love to watch them play together.  He really is such a sweet kid, but has had to face so many tough things in his life and some has made him jaded.  I hope in time he can soften and learn to trust more openly. 

Rhianna has spent past 2 weeks (and this week) working on a Summer Musical Theater program.  She has THREE parts (she is ecstatic!) and is helping do the sets with her friend Leah.  It has been great to see her blossom through this. 
She has also buddied up to a friend from church who she calls her 'CT Grandma'.  I call her the little shadow.  Where she is, Rhianna is right behind her.  She helps in the kitchen and does all sorts of fun things.  This summer they are working on teaching Rhianna how to sew and other things that her mom can't do :-) 

Reagan is still Reagan.  His twinkling eyes and ornery grin.  He has a buddy at church who is a year or so younger than him, but they both are the same height with blond hair.  They could melt a stone heart with one little twinkle of their eye and the giggles that come out with every breath. 
There is a creek on back part of the church property here.  They tried to convince me this past Sunday that the Sunday School teacher wanted to have Sunday School there and they were supposed to go down there right away.  *I didn't fall for it but part of me wanted to.

My day?  My day is filled with meetings and writing documents, keeping track of IT questions and updates and documenting business desicions.  I am on a couple comittees, which are fun and break up the day.  I have a great relationship with the leadership of my organization and it makes going to work fun instead of a dreaded task. 
It no longer feels strange to have to hurry to catch the bus or to wait on a noisy city street after work to catch a bus home.  It feels normal and I honestly love it.  15 minutes of down time each way is exactly what this busy mama needs to mentally switch from mom to work mode and then back to mom again.

I'll try and start writing of our fun adventures we have had over the past 3 months.  In the grand scheme of things, it is going great.  We have been welcomed so lovingly into this church family, that daily I am overwhelemed by their willingness to take us in as their own.

My mom is coming tomorrow and spending the week.  Originally it was to work on the house, but our schedule is quickly filling up with other things.  But I think right now, the other things, the time spent together is more important. 

I surprised the kids and told them that Grandma was taking them back to Ohio for a couple weeks.  The kids are doing so well here, but I had promised them that I would take every opportunity to get them back to Ohio, even if it was for a long weekend.  They can't wait to see their cousins and friends.   I have to admit, I'm kinda jealous.

Although...a couple weeks of just 'take care of myself' time sounds rather exciting and needed.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Three Months In...

I can't believe its been three months. 

Some days it seems like an eternity ago I said my good byes.

Other days, it seems like yesterday.

We are doing well.  Settling into a routine of sorts.

Work is going great.  Trying to learn everything as quickly as I can.  But there is just so much to learn.  Going from working nights at a hospital to days at an insurance company is a big change.  Thankfully, I have amazing co-workers and a great leadership team that has been so helpful.

The kids are having a blast this summer, but not without ups and downs.  They are meeting and making new friends, spending most days swimming, been to the beach quite a few times, not to mention Six Flags. 

Riley has probably had the hardest time settling in.  He had a lot of friends in Rittman and was established on his sports teams.  He is my kid who thrives on routine.  Its been tough for him, but he seems to be doing better every day.  Last week he was in a flag-football camp.  He enjoyed it, but definitely missed full-tackle.  Hopefully in a few years he can get back on a team and play again.

Rhianna has made quite a few friends and has found a grandma/mom figure who has taken Rhianna under her wing.  The two are inseperable and Rhianna has blossomed with her friendship.  She helps in the kitchen at church as often as possible and is becoming well known for her constant smile.  Rhianna is in a drama club this summer and has three parts in the musical they are putting on.  I can't wait to see her perform for the first time on Friday.

Reagan, my little roll-with-the-punches guy, has fit right in.  He has a couple little friends and has said he loves it here.  I love watching him at church with his little friend, two little blondies bopping around with their eyes twinkling. He was in a Lego/Robot class last week and is in a engineering/building class this coming week.

Housing?  We are working on getting into permanent housing.  It has been quite the unexpected journey, but again as so often in my past, I have been exactly where God has wanted me to be.  We are working, with the emense help of others, to remodel a house that we will soon call our own.  I can't wait to be settled into a house that is ours and that is large enough to have company stay with us. 

How is it really going?

I wasn't sure how much to write about how I have been feeling.  I have wanted this for so long (21 years!!!) and I know that God wants me why am I feeling what I'm feeling?  I don't know.  But it seems like the more I fight it, the worse it gets.  But I'm homesick.  And oddly enough, not for the things one might think. 

Its the little things that get me.

I miss the secret little hugs my niece would give me.
I miss hearing her little sister giggle in my ear.
I miss my friends at the hospital, and knowing we are all scattered with the closing of the hospital makes it so much harder.
I miss the sounds of the helmets and shoulder pads hitting each other during football practice...knowing this is the time of year that practice and conditining starts. 
I miss stopping into my Grandparents and grabbing a few dozen eggs and chatting with them
I miss my family.

It helps to write this.  It helps to acknowledge that its okay to be lonely.  Its okay to be tired of all things new.  Its okay to cry when I think of everything in Ohio.  It doesn't mean I'm not where I'm supposed to be.  It doesn't mean I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do.  It doesn't mean I'm not happy where I am.  It simply means I have a lot that I love in Ohio, and for that I'm thankful.