There are few things more frustrating than anticipating something wonderful, feeling that the doors are opening and then being disappointed time and time again.
This has been my life for the past year. And to be totally honest I'm not sure my nerves can handle much more.
I was listening to a radio program and a series on Rahab. One idea hit home to me. The discussion was on 'What was Rahab doing between the time after the spies left her house and when the walls fell down? What was going through her mind?'
After that comment was made my mind drifted into its imagination and I didn't hear the rest of the comments.
I imagined being Rahab. She had the faith, unwavering, to believe that God called her to be one of the children of Israel. She knew HE was the one true God. He spoke to her heart; out of all the people of Jericho. She had the faith to believe this.
We know she hung a scarlet cord out of her window, marking her home. We know she did this in complete faith.
My mind also wandered to Day One of the Battle of Jericho. Rahab no doubt was probably sitting at her window, waiting and watching. She most likely had looked out her window everyday after the spies left. Waiting. Watching. In anticipation.
Then. Day One comes.
I'm sure Rahab was ecstatic. FINALLY! Her deliverance. Finally she could be with the Children of Israel and learn about the One True God.
But as we know they walked around the walls once and then left.
I can only imagine how Rahab's heart sank.
Then. Day Two.
Again, Rahab must have been disappointed.
Then. Day Three.
Wonder if Rahab was getting slightly discouraged?
I wonder what was going on in her mind at this point.
At this point do you think she was giving up hope? Maybe the thoughts were crossing her mind that it was all a joke. Hanging a scarlet cord out her window was a practical joke; a way for the spies to get away? What were these people doing? Walk around the walls once and go back to camp?
But then this day they didn't stop. They kept going. and going and going. Until eventually they walked around seven times. And the walls began to crumble.
We all know what happened next. The walls of Jericho all fell. All the walls; except the part where Rahab's house was.
Where my mind went was the times Rahab no doubt was excited. Every morning she heard the priests blow their trumpets. Every morning was a new day a new opportunity to be rescued from inside the walls. And yet 6 times she walked away from that window disappointed.
But she had the faith to continue believing that one day it would happen.
That is where I am. My heart is so weary of the disappointments. There have been countless times when I think 'this is it..' and then it isn't. I just need to keep the faith that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.
One day it will all fall into place, just like the walls fell, and I will be able to start the new chapter in my life I am ready for. I just have to keep sitting at my window, looking out, and praying that I can keep the faith while I am waiting.