Monday, March 5, 2012

To: Randy


This may or may not be appropriate to write you a letter on my blog for the world to see.  However, I'm going to do it anyhow.  For one reason: I will control my anger towards you a bit more than if I was saying this to your face.  And it needs to be said.

I also realize most likely you will never read this.  I don't really care at this point.

But how dare you make my little girl cry. 

I went to check on her after I tucked her in tonight.  She was silently weeping.  I crawled into bed next to her and she said she felt weird. 

I asked her if it was her head, her tummy, her back, if she was over tired, etc. 

She said 'no. I think its my heart. Its lonely.'

I didn't want to bring YOU up.  You have hurt her so much and if she wasn't thinking about YOU, I wasn't going to add it to her aching heart.

But the tears kept coming and she kept saying she was lonely, but didn't know for what.

I finally whispered in her ear. "Are you lonely for your daddy".

The tears poured out of her little eyes then.

She nodded a 'yes' and squeezed her eyes so tight.  Trying to keep the tears in. But they flowed down her cheeks.

When she could finally talk she said "Its been so long, almost a year since I saw him.  I just miss him so bad."

I understand the ache in her heart.  I miss my dad too.  But he died.  You are choosing to stay away.  You live less than five miles away.  But you choose daily to avoid your children.

In the end they will be much better without you. They are already better off without you.  You have hurt them, confused them, and abandoned them. You don't deserve these kids.  You have the most amazing kids.ever. and you chose to walk away.

I don't care about how you hurt me.  I don't hurt anymore.  But when my children cry over how you hurt them, continue to hurt them. It angers me more than you want to know. 

They know you don't send any money for them.  They know you would rather take care of your own needs and addictions.  I know you are refusing to give me money as punishment to me.  But its not me being punished; its them. 

Someday you will get your due.  Whether it is on earth or in eternity.  God is the father to the fatherless and it angers Him when His little children are hurt and His wrath is poured upon those who hurt His little children. 

I've probably already said too much.  And I have so much more to say.  But I can't say it here, so I won't.


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