Theres a Hippo in my Tub...: I don't know what to title this post...{its a jumble of thoughts}

Thursday, November 14, 2013

I don't know what to title this post...{its a jumble of thoughts}

I don't even know what to title this post. Its just a jumble of thoughts finished off by some quotes. Some are funny. Some make you think.

I have a lot rolling around in my head right now. Just trying to figure out how to write it all down.

You all know how I am struggling with lack of direction right now, some have even sent beautiful letters and thoughtful cards. Thank you for those. They truly meant so much.

One thing that has changed is my choice to have an open mind about moving. For 3+ years God was so distinctly clear about telling me to move. Then as the jobs fell through one after another, right when it seemed to be a sure thing, I lost hope. Maybe I even was weary of the fight. Just plain tired. Maybe I gave up. I don't know. But I gave up on the idea of moving.

The weariness is waning. I'm frustrated, but coming out of a mental hibernation. I'm feeling refreshed and renewed. But I'm feeling different. I don't feel the urgency to move, but I don't feel that its completely out of the picture either. I'm just letting happen what happens.

It took me awhile to get to this point. Someone emailed me and said "they want to hire you, its just a matter of the right timing." Those words took a few days, even a week, to grasp. To realize that the phone calls this summer telling me the positions were closed weren't locked doors; just temporarily closed doors.

I don't know what will happen. I don't know if all of a sudden things will start moving along and we will move in the Spring. I don't know if nothing will happen and I will move when my kids are in college. I don't know. One thing I do know, is I'm going to stop living for the 'when we are moved' and start living here, while I'm here.

I have more rolling in my head. A blog I read triggered an avalanche of thoughts that I can't stop thinking on. I think they are good. While my mind feels like fireworks, one idea after another, this one concept is pulling all of my struggles and self-doubts into one ball and explaining them all.

Once I can get it into legible wordings, not just rantings that make little sense, I will write. It might take a few posts, but I will write. And hope to make sense.

In the meantime, I'm going to leave you with some quotes.