Lately I've been struggling with a lack of direction in life.
I'm going to interrupt you before you say anything...
I know. None of us really know where we are going in life.
But we all need goals and something to focus on.
At least I do.
And without clear direction, I get rather cranky.
Today I had some alone time. I had time to think. If you know me at all, you know that to understand things that are hard to understand, I have to find an allegory. Something that paints a clear picture. Once I paint the picture, I can accept almost anything and move on from it.
It has taken me a few weeks to ponder on some recent events. Some changes, some mistakes, some simple life learning. Gather them all together and they have taken me to a rather low spot. I wanted out of this funk and knew the only way out was to paint that picture, understand it, and move on.
I am understanding it with baseball.
I'm at bat and my goal is the home run. To hit the perfect pitch, as hard as I can, and have it land successfully out of the park.
I have an amazing batting coach. He tells me how to stand, how to find the perfect swing. He reminds me to keep focused, to not give up. He tells me that I am strong enough to hit the ball out of the park. He gives me everything I need to be successful. He can't do it for me, I need to do it for myself.
I swing at bad pitches. I maybe even miss some good ones. I occasionally hit a single, double, or what even feels like a triple. But I'm not hitting the home run, just yet.
Then there was the time when I struck out.
Eyes open, staring at the ball.
Knowing I was swinging at bad pitches, but swinging anyhow. Trying to take a bad pitch and turn it into a home run. Knowing it never works, but trying anyhow.
I go to my batting coach, head down, tears streaming down my face. Instead of ridiculing me, he puts his arm around me and tells me its okay. We all swing at bad pitches, but I have the choice...keep swinging wildly or refocus. That no matter what I swing at, he will still love me and be there for me. But he knows I am capable of refocusing and only swinging at the best pitches. He knows that there is a pitch coming, eventually, that will give me my home run. If only I focus and wait.