Sparrow

This whole job hunt thing is for the birds.

I've been down in the dumps lately. 

Its hard getting rejection emails day in and day out.

Last week ended rather rough.

But I pulled myself up and was determined to not let anything or anyone get me down.

Today God brought back a memory of something that happened years ago.

It encouraged me.

I want to share it with you.

I want to write it here so when I'm feeling lost and alone I can remember and know.

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Remember that verse where it talks about God knowing every sparrow that falls? And how much more important are we?

Well that verse came to life in front of me.

I was standing in the kitchen of the old farmhouse we were renting.  I was listening to the CD recording of my dad's funeral for the first time.  It was approximately five years after he had died and I had never been able to listen to that service.  It was too hard.

But for some reason that afternoon I pulled it out.  I remember listening to it and just weeping and remembering. 

I felt very alone. In a black murky pit.  Somedays I still feel very alone.  In that black murky pit.

Life was extremely hard for me at this point.

Three little children, very close in age.  The baby with tummy problems who screamed constantly.

A husband who was never around and when he was home he was violently mean.

Life was hard.  And all I could see was blackness.

I needed something to show me I would someday be okay.

As the final hymns were being sung on the CD, I stood looking out the window and saw the little bird in the yard.

This bird had been in the yard for a few days by this point.  Something had injured the leg and the bird couldn't get the start it needed to get it off the ground.

We didn't have the heart to kill it...just hoped it would get quickly eaten by the dog or something.

As I looked out at that little bird, I knew how it felt.

Crippled from so much pain.  Not being able to get off the ground.

Right then I asked God to show me He was there with us.  Show me that someday He would heal my heart. 

I asked God  to show me if He loved me more than the little bird. 

To heal the bird and allow it to fly.

As soon as the words slipped past my lips, the bird took off, swooping through the air and circling the yard before taking off into the skies.

The tears came harder than they were before and turned into sobs.

I wasn't sure when God would rescue me.

Today I remembered that day.  I remembered the little bird taking flight as those words crossed my lips. 

Today I remembered that I am important and known to God.

That when the time is right, I too will be released and can take my flight.