In all honesty, I should be packing instead of blogging.
But somehow it feels more important to write instead of work. I need to pause to write down the past few days so that I won't forget them and the emotions that came.
Wednesday I was sitting in my recliner writing the post about my dad. The week had been hard, physically the emotions were wearing on me and I was tired. I was sitting there, thinking of him and how the last day I saw him I said "I love you" and to not hear it in return.
When my phone rang, I wasn't sure if I had the emotional capacity to handle what she would tell me either way.
From the previous post, you know the news was good news. And from the previous post, you know that one of the first things I did was to run to my bed and hide my head under the covers.
Honestly, it took me a few days to completely process this. At first I thought I had a month. Which wasn't what really made my head spin. What made my head spin was that this was actually happening. That my dreams were becoming a reality and the work I put into it was paying off. I was feeling shock and disbelief that it was really true.
Thursdays news of 'we need you in 2 weeks' was what sent my head spinning. That took a moment to process.
One friend asked how I felt. 'Numb' was the only word I could think of. Definitely excited. But the shock of 'I'll be living in Connecticut in 2 weeks' took a little bit to process.
I'm a planner...an organizer my nature. All the things that needed to be planned were being tossed around in my head.
That night a friend came over. Bonnie told me that 'don't even try to be Hitler-organized...you just won't have time'.
Bonnie: 2 weeks?? ALL THE MORE REASON TO BE ORGANIZED. hahahahaha.
Friday night at work I kept checking my pulse on the little handheld machine. At first it was pushing 110, then I calmed myself down and kept steady in the mid-nineties. All the constant thoughts rolling around in my head had to slow down before my heart raced right out of my chest.
I am trying to plan a solution for every possible problem so that when any possible problem arises, I already have a solution in my notes to take care of it.
I need to stop trying to do that. :-)
After a few phone calls this weekend and some planning, my heart slowed down, and my thoughts quit racing.
I came up with a plan and if everything goes as planned, it will all work out.
With my plan in action, I can finally enjoy the moments that I have been waiting on for so long.
EEEKKK! I'm.actually.moving.to.Connecticut. In.two.weeks!!
I thought about the past three years. I thought about all that has transpired and how much I have grown emotionally. I am a completely different person than I was a few years ago, and that transformation is what will allow success. If I had moved a few years ago, I would have failed.
I thought about the timing. I heard about the offer on March 26th. I received the official letter on March 27th. Two days out of the year that are the hardest for me.
Thinking back to those days, I am always reminded of the sentence my dad left for me.
"Get your head on straight"
I've always questioned if he would think that I did get my head on straight.
And even though I've made better choices in the past few years, deep down I knew he would know that I wasn't performing to my greatest potential.
But now? After the past year of so many changes? Now I feel like he would say he was proud of me. The words every daughter desires to hear from her parents...especially her father. Now I finally feel that he would be so proud of me. And that makes me happy.
Do I think my dad had a hand in this? No. I don't believe that someone who had died can change the course of time and influence people. But I do believe that God knew I needed this. I needed to be able to let go of that note. He knew that to succeed in all aspects of my life, I needed to put that to rest. To really know that my dad would be proud of me and loved me no matter what.
I wouldn't change the timing of this for anything. It was worth the fight. It was worth the battle. It was worth all of it.
There is a lot that needs done. A lot that needs to happen in a very short amount of time. There are a lot of things that need to line up perfectly for this to go smoothly.
Please pray that the bumps in the road be minimal.
I plan on leaving Ohio on Saturday the 12th and starting work on the 14th. I'll head back to Ohio on Thursday (they are generously giving me a few days off to get things moved and kids settled...this is seriously an amazing place I get to work!) Friday and Saturday I'll pack up the trailer and then spend Easter with my family. Monday morning early we will head East with the trailer. Kids start school Tuesday and I go back to work Wednesday.
It will be a whirlwind and exhausting 5 days.
Please pray that they adjust well and it all goes smoothly.
Now, back to packing!