To: Riley, Rhianna, and Reagan,
I want to tell the three of you how much I love you. I want to tell you how proud I am of you. But most of all, I want to tell you I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for so many things.
I'm sorry I haven't been the mom you need me to be. I'm sorry I have been working so much extra. I'm sorry I've expected you to pick up the slack where I have left off.
I'm sorry I get snappy over dirty clothes all over the floor and the homework isn't done on time. I'm sorry I am grouchy and grump about the Legos all over the basement floor and the books left lying on the bathroom floor. I'm sorry that I rush you in the mornings. I'm sorry I snap when you rub dirty foody hands down your clean shirts.
I'm sorry I haven't let you be little kids.
I'm not going to make excuses. I could give you a long list, but they are rather empty in reality. It is not your responsibility to listen to my reasons, its my responsibility to toughen up and not let my tiredness control my emotions.
You deserve a better mom. I am becoming the mom I never wanted my children to have; critical and a nag. And I'm sorry. I can't promise I won't ever snap at you again; it would be an unreasonable promise. But I will promise I will try harder everyday to keep calm.
You three are the most amazing people I have ever met. You have conquered so much in your short little lives and I am so proud of you. I want you to know that. I want you to know that I think you are incredible and I know you will go far in life. I want you to know that I adore each of you. I love the differences in you, each of your unique strengths and talents. I love you all so much.
Thank you for last night.
I came home from a rotten night at work and found an immaculate kitchen.
I wanted to cry. A simple gesture the three of you worked on together, made my night end with a smile.
Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for worrying about me and making sure I take care of myself.
I don't know why God gave you three to me. I don't deserve such amazing children. You are incredible and I love you.