Thursday night after the phone call my stomach went back to knots. Chest squashing, painful, heart pounding out of my chest.
This was progressing much faster than I ever expected.
I've been wanting to move for years and have worked through so much to get this far. But still, I was stressing. Stressing about how I could possibly find a house in a few weeks, how I would break the news to my kids, agonizing over how I was going to pack everything up, worrying about things I shouldn't worry about.
I told a friend, who is due to have her baby any day, that this is like the idea of having a child. You can't wait to hold that baby in your arms, but still are dreading labor. If you could, you would skip the labor and go right to the good parts.
I want to skip the boxing things up. I want to skip the adjustment period. I want to take away the stress and anxiety from my children. I want to click my heels and go from here to there without any pain.
But I can't. And I have learned that sometimes the times we grow most in life is during times like this.
I didn't tell the kids right away. I waited a few days and slowly let hints drop. Just to prepare them. I still had thoughts spinning in my head and didn't want my stress about the speed of it to pour into them. I wanted to wait until I could think clearly.
I went to bed Thursday night, still with the hows and whens rolling in my head. I had wild dreams and crazy nightmares. I actually woke up in the night to the sound of my heart beating in my ears. I could hear the swishing of the blood and I thought my heart was going to pound out of my ribs. (Thankfully it stayed where it belongs and settled down ;-)
I'm not sure what clicked during the night, but I woke up Friday with a calmness, a peace, a feeling of strength. That this is the right thing to do and my kids will adjust...quickly. I can only say that God gave me that peace. He has led me gently this far and won't drop me now.
I went to clean a house that afternoon and saw a map laying on the shelf. I told myself that if I saw 'Hartford' on the map then I would know without a doubt that this is the place for me. At a glance I saw that it was Eastern Indiana and Western Ohio, kinda disappointed that it wasn't a map of Conn. Then I took a closer look and my eyes fell on...'Hartford City'.
Hartford, it is then. :-)
This isn't the first time I've had signs like this. God has shown me over and over and over. I wish I had them all written down.
Ever since waking up a week ago with calmness flooding my soul, I haven't been worried about moving. I'm ready to hear about the final job offer...and hoping that it doesn't fall through. But worried about finding a house? Worried about the adjustment time? Worried about how this will all work out? I'm not worried at all. I just know that it will be fine. I know we will have our bumps along the way, but in the end, it will be good that we went.
My anxieties have turned into excited butterflies. I have applied for thousands and thousands of jobs. None compare to the opportunity that this one is. And God put people in my life to help me network into this position. This job opportunity is so far out of what I could have ever dreamed. I'm just giving everything else to God. He will provide housing and all the energy that moving 600 miles entails. I'm not going to worry at all.
I received a phone call from the Talent Acquisition rep tonight. She said that the 2VP, VP, and HR are still in discussions working on the contract. Which is good news...the job offer hasn't been dropped as of now. She said she hopes that it will be finished up later today and will give me a call when she hears something.
I'm telling myself that means Tuesday. Then if I hear something earlier, I'll be surprised :-)
I want to be open with everyone and very clear. I technically do not have a job offer yet. Things look really, really promising, but it isn't my job to claim until everyone signs on the dotted line. If that happens I'll tell you and announce what insurance company it is and when my start date is!!