Grumpy Mom

If I was a cat this would be my picture.

Grumpy cat.

***

This winter needs to be over yesterday.

I was taking the cold, the grey, the blech in stride but today has pushed me past tolerating it to screaming at it.

It started with yesterday, last week, last September.

....

K' so its been basically brewing for awhile and blew today.

I worked 5 nights in a row.  Not a big deal...right?  Normal people work 5 days in a row so what I am complaining about.

Nights are not the same.  Trust me.   And it wasn't 5 straight night shift.  It was switching around from shift to shift.  Starting with one the first night to flop to another for 2 nights and back for 2 more.

Not really a big deal, but making me anxious for my days off nonetheless.

Trying to do what I could to help myself through the last few days, I prepped some meals Monday night including a crock pot meal.

Tuesday morning after I dropped the kids off school, I ate my breakfast/bedtime snack and put the crock on low.

I went to bed dreaming of my Italian Beef.

I try to get up when the kids come home from school.  And I usually do.  But there are the times when I hear them come in the house, roll over and I go back to sleep.

That happened Monday.

I wasn't overly concerned because I knew I had dinner ready.

I woke up to an argument, putting me in a most pleasant mood.

It was time to get up anyhow so I got up, broke up the argument and made a pot of coffee while three spastic kids tried to sell me magazines for a sale they just started at school that day.

I get it.

They're excited and the salesman did a great job of pumping the up and wanting them to sell, sell, sell.

But in my defense imagine waking up first thing in the morning to 3 whiny salesmen trying to sell you multiple magazine subscriptions. (If you have been dying to subscribe to a magazine and just didn't know how to go about getting one, I can hook you up with a salesperson from my team of salespeople.:-)

Their sales pitch did not go over well.

I may or may not have snapped at them.  Begging them to just let me get some coffee in me.

It was at this point I noticed there was no yummy smell.  No Italian Beef warm yummy smell wafting through the air.

Feeling the edge of my crockpot proved what I feared.

Cold.

Just a slab of uncooked yet deliciously seasoned hunk of meat.

This is all going on while one of my children was picking on the other two and all three were screaming and I was looking around and realizing that they had walked in the door and dropped everything on the floor.  Hats, gloves, coats, bookbags.  From the door all the way to the coat hooks was a trail of wintery things.

I may or may not have yelled.

We stumbled through the night having pancakes and eggs for dinner (at least no one complained about dinner).

I took them to moms and put them to bed so I could go finish my 5 in a row.  I was anxiously waiting my 2 days off in a row.

Because I clean houses on the side, on my days off, it has been since September that I have had 2 days off from work of one kind or another.  This week, the family that I clean for was on vacation so I wasn't needed.  Which meant I get 2 whole days off in a row.

I have been waiting for these 2 glorious days for a few weeks now.  Counting down the days excitedly waiting for these days.

Then it snowed.

And snowed.

And snowed.

The automated call came through to my desk at 5 am this morning.

I may or may not have snapped into the phone at the recorded call.

My shift ended by getting snapped at by an unreasonable doctor asking for things that I can't get him.   He is always can be mean and ridiculous.  He had no idea how close he was to meeting his match this morning :-)

I came home and started some laundry, waiting on mom's text saying the kids were awake.  (She did offer to keep them, but I wanted them home...not sure what I was thinking)

Once we made the snowy drive home, we had a great breakfast.  I told them that the day depended on them.  It could be fun, filled with fun projects or it could be bad.

I wanted to sleep for a little bit.  Just a couple hours. Is that too much to ask?

They were told to quietly clean their rooms and then read.  Or something.  Anything.  Just be quiet!
It didn't happen.

At one point I actually wished I had kept little tally marks for the amount of times I was woke up from one issue or another.  It was at least 20.

"Mom..I want the computer."  NO.

"Mom...he made me cry." 

"Mom...we cleaned up our bedroom.  Can't we have the computer?"  NO

"Mom."

"He hit me!!"

"Mom.  Mom. MOOMM"

I may or may not have got up snapping  yelling.

***

These kids need to go to school.  They need routine.  They need structure.

Tomorrow is my last hope.

Next week I start picking up more and more shifts...at least 2 16's a week plus more regular shifts and still cleaning houses.

I have no idea when the next time I have 2 days off in a row.  (Seems pathetic, but one day is for sleeping after a night shift and the other day is for exciting things like cleaning the bathroom and laundry)

I don't want to be grumpy mom.

And that's what I've become.   Am I the only one?  Am I the only mom who gets grumpy and tired?

Am I the only mom who is silently wishing they were in school?  I see posts all over Facebook about how EXCITED they are their kids get to stay home again.  Is there something wrong with me?

I love my kids as much as the next mom, but I need my space.

***

For tonight I'm going to make a large pot of coffee.  Hide in my room for a bit spending some time with God.  Begging Him to give me the patience I need...begging Him to help me not fall off the end of the rope where I have found myself.

I'll pull myself together and then make those Valentine crafts with the kids and bake some heart shaped cookies.

Hopefully we can put the past few days behind us and move forward.

Hopefully tonight's attitude can change or someone might have to be sent to bed early.

Maybe even me.

***

Say a prayer that they have school tomorrow.

They really need to go to school tomorrow!!