I can't be late because I had to chase a chinchilla

This morning I had to be in Akron at 8:30 am to test out of my final credit hours.

7 am is really early to wake up kiddos on their first week of summer vacation.

I was trying to wake up Reagan who was adamant about not getting up.

To help things out Riley brought in Chinchie the chinchilla (more on him later:) to snuggle up to Reagan's cheek to wake him up. 

Usually that's a great idea.

But chinchilla's are frisky little critters and can sometimes get away.

I was on edge about taking these tests anyhow and did not feel like chasing a chinchilla.

"Riley, put Chinchie away.  I can't be late because I had to chase a chinchilla."

Chalk that up as one more sentence I never thought I would say but did.

***

I've known for quite some time that I had to take these tests.  But between me, you, and the fencepost I was terrified to take them. 

After all, you can't fail something you never attempt.  Right?

I have been handing out excuses why I wasn't taking them.

Some really good ones too.

But the truth is, fear is what kept me from going for it. 

Then with the upcoming interview I thought I should get these tests done.

Only I would take two tests two days before an interview.

Nothing like pressure, right?

Then again, pressure has been the theme of my entire college career...why change that now?

***

The first test went great.  Or at least it felt great. 

Until I saw the score.

60.

I was absolutely terrified that meant percent.

I somehow walked out to the desk, knees knocking, to tell her I was done.

She asked how I did. 

I was honest and said it felt easy, but I guess I bombed it because it said 60.

She laughed and said "It doesn't mean 60%.  I'm not sure how they score it, but 60 is really good."

Words cannot describe the relief and thankfulness.

I sighed.  Then giggled.  Then floated to cloud 9. 

But only for a moment because I had to move on to test # 2.

While I was waiting for her to get the testing code, I noticed the screen saver on the other computer had a picture of a stunning full moon. 

Nothing calms me down like a picturesque moon.

I smiled.

God is everywhere and in every thing. 

Even on computer screens in the white walled rooms of testing centers.

Half hour later I passed the second test.

***
I wasn't sure how I would feel.  If I would just walk out feeling normal or excited or relieved or what.

I gathered my things and quick texted my mom who was waiting anxiously at home.

My next move startled me.

I went to text my dad.

I flipped open my phone to begin the text and the realization smacked me in the face. 

He's not there to tell.

I was not expecting that.  I've never texted my dad before...he has been gone 12 years.  There wasn't texting then. 

When the absurdity of my thoughts hit me again I cried harder.

Tears began to stream down my face uncontrollably.

I was not expecting these emotions.

Sadness was the last thing I expected to feel.  I had expected elation.

I stumbled down two flights of stairs and made it outside to text the person  who is closest to a father figure to me. 

It helped.  Sorta. 

When I told mom that I was crying she suggested I stop at the cemetery.

I was not expecting these emotions.

I was planning on excitement and relief. 

Not this. Not body wracking sobs.

I drove to the cemetery and lay in front of his stone mentally shot. 

It felt good.

The sun warmed my cheeks and I peered out at the words "Our Loving Father".

I had to think back to that last note he left.

The one where he told me to straighten out.

I think I have. 

And it felt good to tell him.
***
By the way, thanks for attending my ceremony.I decided not to go to the UOP ceremony because all my courses were online and I won't know anyone at the Cleveland campus. This post just became my commencement ceremony. 

Thanks so much for showing up and whistling when they called my name ~ I pretended to be embarrassed, but it was fun of you to do that.   By the way, you look great!
***

On to get that job.